Looking In

The teenage years are inevitably filled with angst as a child leaves the comfort of youth and moves towards independence as an adult.  How much pain and struggle the individual has is affected by all the variables life throws at them.  While there are countless small variances I think the big ones are: how they view themselves, how they perceive others view them, how they relate to their parents, extended families, or guardians, and how those groups encourage, guide, or challenge the changes they are going through.

It seems to me the hardest thing for a good parent to do is watch their child fail, but it is also one of the most important things if they can let it happen and then help pick up the pieces their child's understanding of life is stronger.  For it is through failure that we learn the most lasting lessons, and develop the confidence to challenge ourselves to be better the next time.

If children see only the extremes, where they always succeed or fail then what qualities do they develop?  If in failure they are harshly condemned by those they trust, or in their success they are praised beyond reason do they grow to understand the values of such things in a healthy society?  I don’t think they do, and perhaps that is one of the factors that has led us to this day, where class and race warfare are once again emerging as primary political divisions within the social fabric.

I wonder, what will the current generation of parents choose as their model to help their children find their way through the transition from dependent to independent?  Will they be more successful than past generations or will all the new experts just befuddle them to the point they surrender -- leaving the children to find their own way?

Simple Things

Childhood should be about simple things.  Simple things, like learning about themselves, understanding family, exploring the world around them, and ultimately finding their own path through life.  But are these really simple things?

Each child is unique, but the process of development is not.  The variables that go into a child growing to be an adult are as diverse and varied as the world around that child.  How the parents interact, how the extended family is formed, how the freedom to explore is encouraged, and what future is laid out before them. 

Science fiction writers often depict a Utopian world where we are all individually self-motivated, and inspired to achieve all we can, or we are shown a dark and foreboding world where life is a depressing struggle for survival at the very margins of existence.  The question before each generation is what future do we build for those who will follow?

The reality is not far different than what fiction presents.  If we cage the child’s imagination, or force it in a direction we prefer then we move that child to a dark land.  If we condemn them with our pessimism and our bigotry, we reduce their willingness to explore what can be.  At the same time, if we think we are doing them favors by laying out fantasies about the world; we shelter them to a point that when that shelter is removed they are blinded by the white light of reality.

There really is one simple thing.  Children succeed or fail based on the parent.  Regardless of however much the government directs or spends, if the parent does not inspire them to greatness they will fail.

Parenting, and Life in General

Wouldn’t life be great if we had a “How To” manual on parenting?  That way everyone could be perfect, the colleges could teach psychologist’s and social workers to just make sure the parents were following the book and everything would be fine.  The government could test parents on the book before they allowed anyone to have a child, and Planned Parenthood could offer classes on how to pass the government test without really studying. 

If everyone followed the book; children wouldn’t be abused, develop insecurities, be traumatized by bad parents, or lack in self-confidence.   School ground bullies would cease to exist, all would be all inspired to learn and grow up to be perfect parents themselves because they would know to follow the book.

Social justice and social equality would appear overnight because everyone was using the book and were, so to speak, on the same page.  The grass would grow greener, the sky would be bluer, the air would be cleaner because we would have a book that teaches parents how to grow perfect children who will make the planet better off than they found it.

You know, we have a lot of “how to manuals” and maybe that’s the problem?  We can’t seem to settle on just one that everyone can follow.  The government keeps changing our collective minds on what is right, or what is wrong.  The parents all read different books and consequently their children grow up with different perspectives on right or wrong.  Teacher’s get caught in the middle; trying to figure out what book each parent is using and adjusting their standards to them and the children, or maybe just choosing to use their own book.

At one time, in our history, this country had a lot of space and very little government.  Parents were expected to do the best they could raising their children, and if they made a mistake or two that was the unfortunate cost of parenting.  The critical thing for parents was if they didn’t do a good job with their kids they wouldn’t have someone to look to in their later years.  Someone who accepted personal responsibility and could care for them, and take over whatever business they were doing. 

Now, as our population has grown, we are filling up the available space, and government has grown to fill up our lives.  With fewer and fewer exceptions we have become nomads, where the idea of permanence and generations of family in one location is a distant memory.  It sure would be good if we had a book to know what to do.

Observations on Halloween

I don’t know if people on other computers can tell I sometimes write in different fonts, but in this case I am using “cracked” because it seems to fit the feel I want for what I am going to say.

Last night we had a traditional Halloween evening, our house had some decorations, we had Halloween music playing, and children and parents came to the door to collect their treats.  We live near a poorer neighborhood so many of those children come around too.  It might be I am just getting older and more out of touch, but there is to me a very scary trend with Halloween.  I assume it is necessary and now expected but so many more parents have to accompany their children to the door to insure their safety than when I was a boy.

It is sad this has to be, but a much bigger concern, like an order of magnitude bigger, is what will the long term affects be on those children, where they come to depend on their parents for every decision and are never allowed to set out on their own? 

Last night I held a Frankenstein head holding a mouth full of candy for the kids to reach into and take from.  It made noises, said funny things and had eyes that blinked red lights.  I understand how 6 and younger children would be a bit scared, but more times than I could count the 14 to 16 year olds were scared to reach in.  That scares me!  The fear of the new and unknown being manifest in those young people who are growing into adults does not seem a good thing to me.  Are we adults setting them up for failure?