Experts are Confusing.

We live in a world of experts. All you have to do is look at any of the social media feeds.  Everyone has all the answers, sometimes without even knowing the questions. In this world of experts, it is becoming increasingly difficult to know what to do, who to do it too, and what will happen when it’s done. To illustrate this, let’s start with a big question and work our way down to a little one.

Question 1:  How was the universe created?

Answer:  Experts believe it was created by a “big bang” and it is expanding outward until someday it will stop expanding and collapse back within itself.  Other theological experts believe God created the universe with intelligent design. Depending on the theology it is working as a clock wound up or God is tinkering with it like a clocksmith.  

My confusion:  If the universe started from a single big bang, what was there before, and what caused that single big bang?  If it is expanding outward – what is it expanding into?  From a theological standpoint, if God created the universe how come it’s expanding at all?  

My theory: we are just a giant loaf of bread and right now God has us on the counter while the yeast rises.  The reason we have global warming is the yeast creates an exothermic reaction, or we are about to be put into the oven.  That solved let’s move on to the next question.

Question 2:  Why is there war?

Answer 2: War is a competition for resources, control, and wealth.  OR, it is just caused by men with small penises. 

My confusion:  How do experts know what size penis a Dictator, King, or President has?  Also, what happens when Queens start wars?  Does that mean it is a competition for wealth?  The Egyptians never seemed to need a massive empire like the Macedonians, does that mean Alexander the Great, wasn’t really that great in the manhood department?

My theory: War is caused by women, who’ve cleverly found a way to blame men, except when they are in charge and have beheaded anyone they could have blamed.

Question 3:  What is the greatest risk to U.S. National Security?

Answer 3:  The greatest risk to U.S. National Security is a) nuclear war, b) global famine caused by climate change, c) a few white supremacists, d) parents actually questioning school boards or e) insurrection.  Each of these answers has experts who will explain why these are all threats to national security because you know a single threat would be mundane.  You can never have too many threats.

My confusion:  Is it possible to prioritize threats without political agenda?  Can we agree that one threat is more likely to destroy the nation than another?

My theory:  No, it is not possible to prioritize threats without a political agenda.  The importance of a threat depends solely on your point of view and the ability to get in front of the right megaphone to yell out what you think the problem is.  With that in mind, I think the biggest threat to us as a nation is obesity, we will all gain so much weight the population of the west coast will cause the continent to flip over.

Question 4: What is the greatest threat to Public Health?

Answer 4:  This seems to change on almost a daily basis as various experts come forth to tell us what the latest health risks are. It was all pretty simple before the Chinese discovered the Wuhan Virus, now known affectionately as COVID-19. With its arrival, we shut down the world with government mandates until we could get enough personal protective equipment (i.e., masks and rubber gloves, along with social distancing) to stop the spread.  When those didn’t work, we rolled vaccines that were supposed to stop people from getting the virus, and when those didn’t work some went back to government mandates. Now that every rational being seems to be burned out with COVID we are moving on to a new set of “greatest threats.”  Of course, there is “monkeypox” but that hasn’t emerged as the vehicle of choice for the experts, so we are coming up with things like insurrection, assault weapons, and angry young men.

My Confusion:  The number one threat to public health used to be the disease or diseases that killed the most people, although automobiles had a strong lobby and never really got traction as #1.  Smoking and cancer stood out for a long time, but then we started getting the “real” scientists involved.  (By real I mean the internet scientists) and things like gender identity, bullying, and questioning the government experts raised concerns that disinformation was becoming a real threat.

My Theory: Identifying a single greatest threat would risk the other threats losing government funding and the people who like to spend other people’s money would be upset when their political donors don’t get their fair share, so they will continue to funnel money back to the politician.