April 25th, plus 31 Years

Today the birds are talking amongst themselves, the air is clear and the day starts cool, but the humidity is growing until it will become oppressive.  We hit golf balls, my son and I.  It is nice to spend a few minutes alone, without the stress of family responsibilities.

At the chapel a remembrance of those who on this date 31 years ago were in the wrong place, at the wrong time.  The speaker lauds the courage of the team, the men who died are heroes.  He talks about all that has stemmed from our failure and how we are better than before.  We have better equipment, we have better training, we are better funded now, but has anything really changed?

An old question haunts me, and again I ask myself, was I courageous, or just naïve?  Where the men who are now heroes, courageous or where they like me, just less fortunate? 

What is courage?  How do you know if you are courageous? Merriam Webster defines courage as the mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and to withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.  When we flew into Iran the evening of April 24^th, were we being courageous, or just doing the job we had trained years to accomplish?  Maybe the right answer is a little of both.  I speak for no one but myself when I say that the fear of being left out of this adventure far out-weighted the fear of death.  The fear of screwing up and causing a problem was much greater than the fear of what lay before us.

I’ve written in the past about the mindset of the community I am a part of.  We are by training and our nature competitive.  If we weren’t we wouldn’t do this job, we are to varying degrees risk takers.  Some are emotional and others are calculating, but each holds a personal view of themselves that leads them to the uncertain challenges of flying.

I realized later in life that not all share this need to excel, or the desire to be the first called.  I’m not sure how they can do their jobs without it, but it is there.  They find their fulfillment and satisfaction in other ways, and I am sure for them it is the right way.

After the service I return home to my family.  Families are the real heroes of any military operation.  The ones who must face the uncertainty alone, surrounded by friends and families who try but can not appreciate the fear and uncertainty of the future they feel.