Thursday, November 24, 2016

The Seven Stages of Political Grief (2016 version)

1.     Shock – That instant when you realize your candidate failed to do what [choose your gender-neutral pronoun] and the media had assured you was a “done deal.”

2.    Disbelief – how could this happen? The whole world is irrevocably altered and your life, the lives of your friends, and the lives of all the people at the corner deli (kosher and organic) will never be the same.

3.    Rage – Releasing a primordial scream to let the world know how outraged you are over this injustice to humanity.  (In modern society this may take the form of incessant posts on social media of all the sins, real or supposed, of the winner and why [choose your gender and race specific pronoun] will fail)  

4.    Challenge – show how the election was unfair and did not represent the true will of the average citizen.  This may include plotting how to overturn the results.

5.     Protest (AKA Riot) – Gather together to destroy property of all those who may not agree with your political views, letting the world know you stand united in your belief in the American Dream, as long as it agrees with you; and just maybe pick up a new flat screen TV in the process.

6.    Nitpick – question every decision, every choice, every statement made by the winner, and publish those statements on every social media outlet possible.

7.     Acceptance – just kidding there are only six stages.

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