A Story of Government Contracting (A Parable)

Once upon a time when the world was young I was indoctrinated into the magical world of military flight.  It was a wondrous time when men were men, and women weren’t.  A time where those in power thought, foolishly I will add, that women were too fragile for military flight.  These grand old men of aviation had put aside the fact that in a time of need women had flown every type of airplane the Army Air Corps had as they shuttled them around the world to deliver them to combat units or depots.

As we were introduced into this brotherhood we were issued brand new nomex flight suits, nomex gloves, nomex underwear for cold weather and shinny new boots, all courtesy of the American Tax Payer.  As we said in the flying club, "If God had intended man to fly he would have been born with green baggy skin."  Along with all the outward accouterments we were given a shinny orange survival knife.  It is this little item that is the focus of this story.

As knives go this little gem was unique in the knife world.  It had two blades, one normal, and one curved one with the sharp edge on the inside.  The shinny new flight suits even had a pocket especially designed to carry it.  The pocket was on the upper thigh where it would not be blocked by the G-suit and a pilot could reach it if he was forced to eject from his aircraft.

The curved blade was designed to cut your risers on the parachute, should they become tangled during the ejection, or should you be hung up in a tree.  With the curved blade it was unlikely you would cut something you didn’t intend to.  So to be a practical tool the manly-men flyers asked that the curved blade be spring loaded so you could open it with one hand.  What the acquisition community delivered was the world’s most wimpy switchblade with an untempered steel blade and a curved hook that took two hands to open.

In all the years I’ve been in government service this is how the process works, you define your requirements and someone who doesn’t have a clue as to why you ask for something goes out and buys you what they think you need.